For context on this post, here is a recent picture of my two sons:
Notice anything “wrong” with them simply by looking at this picture? If your answer is “yes”, then this post is for you!
[I apologize in advance for the angry tone of this post, but frankly right now I feel that it's justified]
In the last few weeks, there have been a number of instances where Riley has been judged negatively (by adults) for the length of his hair. It ranges from subtle (but still obvious enough) looks of disapproval to jokes or outright statements telling him there is something “wrong” with it.
This is unfortunately nothing particularly new (and we’ve gone through it in the past with Christian as well), but the straw that broke the camel’s back (prompting this post) was when he recently tried to cut his own hair in the bathroom because he was tired of dealing with the abuse.
Ironically, many of the adults firing off this criticism are short-haired women – not that there’s anything wrong with that, just an interesting observation in light of whatever they’re imagining is justifying their statements. Regardless of who is saying it, it also just so happens that across the board none of them have the guts to say anything to our (his parents’) faces about it.
Of course, I guess that’s not too surprising, since cowardice is a pretty common trait for bigots, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
You might notice in the picture that Christian’s hair is substantially longer than Riley’s, despite the fact that Riley’s hairstyle preference is (probably) primarily influenced by Christian. This is because the school that Riley goes to has some rules regarding hair length as a part of their uniform code. While we don’t necessarily agree with the reasons behind these rules (how could we, when no real reasons have actually ever been given?), we felt it was best to respect those particular rules and not make a big deal about trying to change them, since we knew about them going in and were OK with that. We felt that it was a good opportunity for them to learn to respect and honor rules even when they don’t agree with them, and I would say that they’ve done so admirably. It’s too bad that isn’t good enough for some people.
Since (as I mentioned before) none of these people are actually willing to talk to me openly and directly about their objections on this issue, I can only speculate as to what underlying assumptions or motivations may be driving them. I can only imagine that there is some sort of implied character judgment involving something inherently “rebellious” or otherwise flawed, and that preferring long hair is unambiguously an external expression of whatever that bad character trait might be.
All I can say in response to that is it’s a load of crap. I’ve had a decent amount of experience dealing with a pretty broad range of kids during my lifetime, and I have total confidence in saying that (as objective as I can possibly be on this matter) all three of our kids measure up extremely well to anyone you may want to compare them against, in any aspect of virtue. While they’re not perfect by any means, they have grown to be good people, with a high quality of character that I would consider rare, and for the most part they live lives that reflect that. I couldn’t be more proud of them.
Again, I apologize for offending anyone during my rant… except if you’re the kind of person who is going to make value judgments about someone else based on their appearance. I don’t apologize for challenging you to move past that narrow-minded outlook.